life, mental health

Relapse- the elephant in the room of recovery

Lucy McCall

Today I’ve been moved to talk about a difficult subject. Recovery from anything is difficult and seldom linear, there are potholes in the road and diversions, sometimes it feels like the road has disappeared entirely and you feel utterly lost but soon enough you always find that road again and each time your step is a little stronger and more confident.

Mental health issues are certainly no exception. Recovery isn’t all aromatherapy baths and face masks, it’s relapsing and crying. Sometimes it’s reverting to old, damaging coping strategies. Sometimes you will feel like you are back at your worst and all the effort you put into recovery was a waste.

But the important things to remember is recovery is worth it and unfortunately relapses are a part of recovery.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.

There is always someone there to listen even when you don’t believe it, if you don’t feel you have anyone you know to turn to then ring a helpline! Contact your doctor, refuse to give up fighting even when you are exhausted and giving up seems the only option.

Because you are strong and you are worth it and there are better times waiting for you just around the corner.

Relapse does not mean you are failing at recovery. It teaches you how to pick your self up, dust yourself down and get back up stronger and more determined than you were before!

Love Lucy

Xxx

life

Recovering to Recovered- the big leap

Lucy McCall

Since I was 8 I have battled with Anorexia Nervosa.

I am not ashamed of this fact, it’s part of my story which makes me who I am.

Recovery is a long hard slog and I honestly always thought I would be “in recovery” for the rest of my life. So I’m now very surprised to find my self teetering on the precipice of considering myself “recovered”.

I feel like I’m stood on a rocky ledge willing myself to take that final step onto the safe and steady land of full recovery but with the chasm of relapse threatening between me and full recovery.

Anorexia has been part of my identity for most of my life, I’m having to learn who I am with out it.

It’s a scary prospect but also one full of hope and promise.

A big turning point came when we had some family photos taken, I looked at the photos and hated the way my tummy looked, but then I looked again.

Yes it’s not the most flattering angle of my stomach but it’s clearly a Mum’s stomach.

My stomach isn’t wash board flat and toned because it grew and housed my son for 9 months. My body’s function is not to look good. It’s to allow me to live my life to the full and my body did the most amazing thing and created life and for that I will be forever grateful to it.

I still don’t like my body, I still don’t like the fact that I have gained weight and I still fear gaining more but I refuse to let Anorexia dominate my life any longer.

I’m not quite there yet but hopefully one day soon I will be able to confidently say I am fully recovered from Anorexia.

But until that day I’m still grateful that I’m far closer to recovered than I ever dreamed was possible.

Love Lucy

Xxx

activities, life, love

Dating Yourself

Lucy McCall

I’ve been thinking a lot about an article I read a few months ago about the fact that Emma Watson (Saint Emma Watson in my opinion 😍) describing her self as “self partnered”.

Now I went on quite a long stretch of being a single lady through choice and I must admit it’s something I definitely don’t regret and I learnt a huge about about myself in that time. It also meant when the right man came along (who had infact been hiding in plain sight the whole time) it was the right time and felt as natural and welcome as a refreshing breeze on a hot summer day. My life was far from dismal, I didn’t need a partner (in the sense of any human will do), but he made my life immeasurably better and I now don’t know what I’d do without him.

Now how does this sickly sweet (sorry about that) description of my now perfectly loved up self relate the idea of self-partnering or more specifically for what I am talking about self-dating I hear you ask? Well it comes down to what I learnt whilst single that I’ve brought forward into my life now I am no longer single, the confidence to do things by myself.

It’s a daunting prospect.

How often do you see someone happily eating alone? Going to the cinema alone? Going to the theatre alone?

Chances are not that often and it can seem a scary prospect, the idea that society will mark you out as a loner, as having no choice other than to be alone.

The first time I did this was an utterly liberating experience.

I saw that Take That were coming to my hometown (yes they are cheesy and large leap from my usual musical tastes. No, no I am not ashamed) no one wanted to come with me so I booked myself a lone ticket. A few months went by and the day arrived, I started to panic, was this such a good idea after all? It was pouring it down and the queue was huge, I nearly wussed out but I’m so glad I didn’t, I had a fantastic time! I got chatting with the people around me in the queue, we all shared umbrellas and when the music started I danced and sang like no one was watching because you know what? When it comes down to it, they’re not!

We’re all far to wrapped up in the fact that we are the centre of our own story, which is great in someways (it is of course important to make it a bestseller) but we are nothing more than non speaking extras in the movie of life for most of the people we encounter in every day life, most of the time not even on focus and at most fleeting cameos. People aren’t going home talking about the person they saw watching Wicked alone (whilst silently mouthing the lyrics because of course it’s impossible not to!).

Even if you don’t spend an extended period of time enjoying being single or self-partnered I highly recommend you spend time learning to date yourself, go to the cinema/museum/art gallery/coffee shop/sushi bar.

It’s no fun dragging a partner to do something they have no interest in, it ruins it for both of you. Learn to enjoy doing things alone and your relationship will be so much healthier for it I promise you.

I adore time spent with my partner and our son more than anything but that doesn’t mean I don’t also enjoy the peace and tranquility of a fancy coffee and a good book in coffee shop with no one to disturb me.

So I am happily a part of a partnership but I am also endeavouring to practice self-dating as well.

Lucy

Xxx